she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't EVER smell your tampon
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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