Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
