He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
