in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
