every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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