Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
