I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she told me i tasted like america
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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