U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
