he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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