I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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