i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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