well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
