FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
