Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize