i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
