I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Panties = found
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize