She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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