I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize