in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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