so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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