So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just forgot I was standing up.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
