Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize