Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
