How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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