just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
