maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
