i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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