Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your penis caused this!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
