dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
