holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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