Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize