I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
