I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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