she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
