My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
