I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just pee around me
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He? As in you personified your dick?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
