so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
