Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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