hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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