I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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