Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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