I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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