Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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