so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
