its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
