If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
