She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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