Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
