Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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