do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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