If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
