Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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