if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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