i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
