I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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