I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
