I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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