He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
