So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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