I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
