I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
