I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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