you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
