I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
