matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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