the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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