i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
